(Not) Spreading Some Holiday Cheer

It's that time of the year again. Some may call it the most wonderful time of the year. I, however, am here to be the obligatory Scrooge because, yes, I hate the holidays. Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Years. I don't find this time of year cheery. I get annoyed at the radio stations that start playing holiday-themed music once November 1st arrives. I don't feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I see candles in the window, snow on the ground and wreaths hung in the doorways. It sickens me to hear people babble on about how excited they are for Christmas and spending time with family; I am the antithesis of excited.

I wasn't always this way - when I was younger, Christmas was magical. The little things excited me, like playing Sega Genesis or Mario Kart with cousins that I rarely saw or the prospect of Santy Claus dropping off new clothes, a Barbie cruise ship or an American Girl doll. My mom even made gourmet breakfast - pancakes, eggs, Canadian bacon, french toast, the whole nine yards - which never happened.

But I was young, stupid and too naive to see what really happens on the holidays. First, Santa Claus is a big, fat lie and even if it was true, it's a fucked up scenario. A fat dude breaks into your house, thieves your cookies and milk and leaves gifts that he probably stole off the back of a truck (elves my ass). Second, you know those family members you never see? There was a reason - they're all assholes. Remember that time your uncle cried on Christmas Day because he was "so happy to see us"? He was high - that's why he never called and we don't talk to him anymore.

Since the end of my childhood, which occurred at the tender age of 11, the holiday season has been filled with nothing but cancer, family feuds, stress about money, death and an overall increased recognition of how much the world sucks. My parents always try to make it like the magical ordeal it once was (my mom still makes breakfast), there's no covering up the underlying truth which is that the holidays are just a remembrance of lost family members, increasing financial problems and are just a lead-up to a huge letdown.

So excuse me while I don't join in on the eighteenth chorus of Deck The Halls.