The Upsides of Mono (Yes, I found some.)

When you have mono, you get pretty damn lethargic, so, naturally, I find myself on Facebook way more than I should. It's Day 2 of me officially having mono, and instead of focusing on the fact that I'll be stuck in my house for the rest of the summer, I decided to blog.

1. It's a virtual no-work-required diet! The loss of appetite is extreme. I've only been able to eat cous cous today, and some mango sorbet. But, hey, who wants to eat when the pain of swallowing is much like the pain of being mauled by baby pandas? I was officially diagnosed with mono yesterday, but I've been battling it since Wednesday, and boy, has this new diet been working! The lack of food has made me weak, plus my clothes are already starting to sag! And JUST in time for swimsuit season! Too bad I'm too weak and diseased to actually go to the beach, but if I were to choose to put on a bathing suit, I would look fantastic!

2. My parents have been coddling me as if I was five years old again. Buying me magazines, making all my favorite foods (even though I only gum at them), taking special requests, etc. Hey, I'm not complaining.

3. You know how you've always wanted to just sit on the couch all day and watch movies/television, but you didn't feel like undergoing scrutiny for being a "lazy piece of shit"? Well, now you can, because one of the side effects of mononucleosis is fatigue! Plus, the doctor says you need to get your rest, so rest up, my friend, rest all you want!

4. You get sympathy from everyone - and I mean, everyone. Family, friends, strangers, all of them, because no one wants to be you (Sorry, it's true).

5. All those little things you had planned to do, but just didn't get to because, well, you had a life? Well, once you have mono, your life is confined to the insides of your house so all those podcasts you subscribed to for absolutely no reason? Now you can sort through them, and delete some of the weirder IndieFeed tracks. I've been updating my music collection, and I'm thinking about learning Italian - for shits and giggles.

6. Remember when you felt obligated to look presentable? Well, say goodbye to all that pesky personal hygiene! I mean, if you're not going to see anyone for a couple of weeks then what's the point of brushing your hair, shaving your legs, showering...

So, this is my life now, but I might as well make the best of it.